"What up, bitch?" Amanda asked. "You've been standing there for ages.
"I'm worried. Things have been awfully quiet lately." She sighed. "I had this evil plan," she admitted.
"Oh no," Amanda muttered.
"I was going to sneak Jeremy Irons into the wardrobe. It's not that he's outrageously sexy -- though he is -- I just figured that he and Alan would have some fun, what with Jeremy always stealing his roles."
"He stole Jeremy Northam's name, too."
"Oh, yeah. We should add Sumpter -- we'd have the Order of the Jeremies."
"Sumterrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Amanda shook her fist. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"Oh. Okay." Liz belatedly shook her fist. "Anyway, Jeremy Irons has been in here for a few days, but I'm starting to get worried. I mean, you'd think something would have happened by now."
"Maybe something did," said Amanda darkly.
"That's ... what I'm afraid of."
They'd not taken more than a few steps into the wardrobe, when it became very cold, and snow crunched under their feet. Amanda gave Liz a suspicious look.
"I don't remember having a portal to Narnia in my wardrobe."
"Oh, you know what this place is like," said Liz. "Let's face it, Natasha Ryan probably spent a lot of time with the Mexican in the last few years."
They looked around, but there was no sign of the Mexican, or any other wardrobe denizen. A fawn scurred off in the distance, clutching an umbrella and some parcels.
"I could really go for some Turkish Delight," Liz said.
They walked through the woods. The only sounds were the snow crunching under their feet, and an odd rhythmic thunk sound.
There was a rustling in the bushes, and Sean Biggerstaff crawled out, looking pale and haunted.
"What's up, Sean?" Liz asked. "Where are the others?"
"Well, most of them are feasting at Cair Paravel," said Sean. "Well, I say feasting. The Mexican is arm-wrestling the White Witch for the thrones of Narnia. But Alan and Jason..." he dropped his voice and looked around nervously, "they're feeding the Giant Squid."
"Um," said Amanda.
"What ... are they feeding it?" Liz asked.
"Oh, you know. Squid kibble."
The rhythmic thunking became louder, and they heard Jason begin singing, "When a ma-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan loves a Wibbler..."
Amanda glanced at Liz.
"I don't think Jeremy Irons will be spending much time in the wardrobe."
"I guess not."
They slowly made their way out of Narnia.
In the clearing by the lake, Jason had traded singing for tap dancing, using his snake stick as a prop. Alan watched him sourly.
"Bloody stick," he said.
Still, the Squid would be hungry again soon enough. He looked at his hands. It would take ages to get B-grade Actor out from under his nails.
He snatched an umbrella from a passing fawn, and joined Jason in his dance.